Humans Are Insane Creatures
by Taiki Matsuki
Summary: S III. The Star Dragon Sword rants about love and the annoying humans it torments. At least Edge's predicament has an interesting twist by the name of Thomas... Re-Uploaded with Original Author's permission.


Suiko III Name Info:  
Castle's Name = He Fei Castle  
Flame Champion's Name = Zhou Yu  
Flame Champion's Successor: Hugo

Humans Are Insane Creatures

I'm swung over his back wherever he goes. Always. Except when he bathes or sleeps. I know everything about his day, from when he gets up to when he goes to sleep. Of all the humans I have had the displeasure of being with, Edge has to be the strangest.

At least he's better than that bear of a man I had to live with last... I was so glad that he gave me to Edge, at least Edge bathes daily, unless he's traveling. He's quiet, too. The bear was loud, rude, and constantly drinking. Edge is...tolerable. He keeps to himself, even though I can sense his emotions.

Emotions... Humans take them too seriously. Especially that whole love thing, it's overdone! It's OLD! I've seen it too many times with all the humans I've been with... Bah! So much worry and grief over a single _useless_ emotion! Love has even got him talking to me... I suppose I should feel better than for once someone's treating me like a higher being instead of "just" a weapon. He wants my advise... Still, what do I look like? A psychiatrist? Deal with your own problems, human!

It was 'interesting,' though. I could feel him getting nervous whenever the master of He Fei castle talked to him. Thomas, I think his name isS. I could FEEL his own blush from when Thomas and Duke invited him to the bath house... ...And his embarassment at his stupid question during their talk about how they like curry. "Is corned beef good with curry?" I'm a sword, I don't eat and even I know corned beef isn't good with curry, it's not even supposed to be in the same room as curry. He feel quite embarassed about that... I could tell he wasn't listening to most of their conversation, he just added that question to make it sound like he was paying attention. I was off in a corner of the bath house... He was looking at Thomas, trying to make it look like he wasn't staring... Thomas didn't notice, he was too caught up in his rant about the "wonders" of curry. I admit, he was passionate enough about the subject to where _I_ almost want to try the stuff...

After the bath house incident, Edge was talking to me again... Just telling me about how stupid he felt. I was rather blunt in saying, "Yes, Edge. You did sound like an idiot." I guess it was harsh, I keep forgetting how humans take this stuff seriously.

The next day, it happened... He woke up, said he had to talk to me to see if he could get my advice on something, seeing as how I've had so many humans with me in the past, I might know something about this subject.

Hmph. Talking to a sword about love isn't the best idea in the world. It took _HOURS_, he told me he was in love with Thomas, blah blah blah "he won't love me back because we're both men." blah blah blah "Is it wrong for me to like him?" yadda yadda yadda "Should I tell him?" Insert boring human nonsense about the useless emotion called 'love' here, "What do you think?"

I answered, "I think love isn't worth the trouble, and you should tell him right away so I don't have to listen to this daily. At least, unlike all the other boring, useless love stories I've seen, yours has an interesting twist to it." That was a mistake, the next thing he went on about was "How should I tell him? What should I do? Should I just tell him or hint at it slowly? What?" Halfway through I screamed, "JUST TELL HIM!" Humans are so... weird.

He nodded, he got dressed, he sheathed me on his back... We left to Thomas's room on that old ship.

Which brings us to...Now. This moment, he's just placing me against the wall by the door.

"...Could we keep this as a private moment, just him and I?" Edge asks, quieter than usual.

"Whatever you want." I reply in my usual annoyed tone of voice.

"Don't let anyone else come in, please."

"I won't."

"...Thank you." He hesitates, taking a deep breath before knocking. "T...Thomas, are you in there?"

"Yes, come in, Edge!" Thomas must have recognized his voice. Quite odd considering the fact that Edge keeps so quiet. The two hardly ever talk.

Edge goes in...

...Waiting.

...Waiting.

There are only two outcomes I know of. One, they're going to be in there a long time... Or two, in the case of a man and a woman (Such as the Bear Man in more situations than I can count), a loud slap will be heard and he will leave. Or in one case, a loud kicking sound and he crawls out of the room, his voice having gone from Tenor to Soprano... ...That was one of the few times I ever laughed. Though, it was more of a chuckle. He just glared at me and tried to get back to the inn as quickly and painlessly as possible. One of my fondest memories of the Bear Man.

...Waiting.

...Still waiting...

No slap sound, no kick... ...Do I hear a faint...? ...I believe that's the sound of two lips meeting. I never understood that whole "kissing" thing with humans either... They seem to enjoy it, though.

...It appears that Edge isn't going to crawl out of the room. As much as I wanted to see something like that incident again, I suppose this gives me time alone.

"Master Thomas! Master Thomas!" The butler runs toward his room. I don't think I've met him outside of his constant running around or work at the inn.

"...I wouldn't go in there." I say as he nears the door.

The butler looks at me surprised. What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a sword before?

"E...Excuse me...?"

"Edge and Thomas are having a private moment together. You'd best leave them alone."

"A...A private moment?" His eyes go wide, I think that's the first time I've ever seen his pupils.

...How much longer until he leaves?

"Yes, a _private _moment."

The butler looks at the door, then back to me. "The...They... you mean...Together? _Them?_" YES! How much clearer can I make this?

"Yes." I say in my most stern of tones.

The butler turns from the door and walks away, stammering. His eyes even wider and his face a deep shade of crimson...

Humans. They take this love thing too seriously.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll get some sleep... This whole "love" thing might work in my favor, give Edge someone else to annoy instead of me.

I guess love isn't so useless, after all.

The End

Original Author's (AKA Ori's) Notes:  
Edge...and...Thomas...?

This seems kinda random (okay, COMPLETELY random)...What was I on?

...Oh, right, I was a closeted early teenager with a copy of Suikoden III, an FFN account and "aw, they'd look so cute together" logic. Duh! Now it all makes sense!

...Oy gevalt...

I always liked the Star Dragon Sword, especially during SII where it actually physically threatens Viktor (repeatedly!). The Night Rune reborn!...Into a cranky weapon that serves as the bane of all Vampires...What's not to like?

Anyway, I gave the okay for this one because Taiki wanted at least one Suikoden fic to go up in his re-upload project and I think this was the "best" of what I had written (all slash, people, Taiki's embarrassing the hell out of me with all my old slash works going back up)...I'm on the fence about letting him have the Hugo x Thomas comedy fic where they perform Romeo and Juliet in Nadir's theater... I dunno, though, I don't think it's that good, but it IS a comedy...

Feh, I dunno.

* * *

Taiki's Notes:

Hello, Suikoden section! Ori finally let me put up his old Suikoden III fics (his II fics, he says, were too terrible to go back up). I am doing a re-upload project of his old fics, which were taken down many, many years ago. Please see my profile for more details. Especially if you remember once reading this fic!

I confess, I have not played Suikoden I or Suikoden II. So I missed out on most of the Star Dragon Sword's back story. But I'm an editor, I only need to worry about the spelling and grammar. And this had little for me to fix, really.

And, since Ori mentioned the Hugo and Thomas fic, I would like to ask if there is anyone interested. I personally thought it was very funny but Ori questions the general quality of the story. He's hypercritical of his work to an extreme. I'm amazed I'm getting as many old fics out of him as I am currently. About a dozen out of over one hundred, honestly!

-Taiki Matsuki


End file.
